In the process of reincarnation of this life I noticed that I was getting very less sleep to manage all the stuffs in my life. There is one quote I read sometimes back that less sleeping: Blessing in disguise in order to get your dream. From this it should be understood that I am continuing to the path for which I left my job but sadly this is not the case. I was relaxing and spending lot of time for nothing which renders an expression of my chaotic mind.
At this night around 3 o’clock I woke up and I couldn’t sleep again. I was staring at my room ceiling and asking some bunch of questions about the recent shocking but symbolic future event that had happened in my life. Here are some excerpts from that night:
Q: Do I want to prove to the people that I am something?
Q: Do I owe people (including close ones) for choosing the path what they want me to?
A: Honestly I should say no even if I include my close one in the ‘people list’. Someone told me once that I should pursue only that career which makes me happy and gives me satisfaction as I would see they cannot be happy if I am not. Clearly, a person should follow his/her heart.
Q: Should I become selfish and cut off contacts from the world to work on my field without disturbance in order to make my dream true?
A: Definitely, I should not be disconnected from the world. Not sure about the selfishness.
Q: Am I in Love?
A: I want to say yes. Definitely ‘yes’, but I don’t understand why this question was asked in the first place!
Q: Did I quit my job and start searching this dream because of her?
A: It could be one of the reasons but not primarily.
Q: If I could get what I desire for, then it could be the possibility of getting ‘Spend my whole life with her’ reward when I propose to her. Do I agree on that?
A: Again I want to say yes even though I have no idea what could happen in future after achievement. Also, I don’t know her status and you know that one sided love will always end up in ‘No’ as an answer. I want to be optimistic and if this could be the reason of my positive attitude towards my goal then let it be although I can’t deny that there could be the possibility of not having her. This can make me sad but at least I could see myself in the mirror proudly!
Q: Am I OK now?
A: Yes, I am OK!
Q: Do I know the fact that I have nothing to show in terms of achievement?
A: Yes. But on a positive note, I would rather think that I have nothing to lose coz, I am already on the downside road.
Q: What about my reputation and impression on the people who know me as an Engineer? Aren’t all these at stake?
A: People who know me as an Engineer actually have no idea who I really am. They only see what they hear. Tomorrow once I get the mile, they will all again look at me differently. One of my friends once told me that we should not care about what people think. That’s not our job. Our job is to find out where we want to head, choose it and live there.
Q: But what if you fail?
A: Fail, hmmm! Yes, I should think about the negative side also. Being an optimistic doesn’t mean that I should ignore the empty side of the glass. Failure is part of the journey and I should accept it. I don’t have to worry about that. In my whole life, I never fell; because whenever I slipped I took control and held myself up. But this time I actually allow myself to fall down and see what it’s like to be there. Now, I will have to lift myself up to stand and walk again.
Q: Is there anything I want to express at last?
A: Yeah. You see, dream is a tricky business and you never know how much it costs to choose it. I have taken a bigger step and there is no way of getting back. I should walk, walk and walk no matter what. Goals and Achievements are just the miles; the important thing is the path. You must exuberate and live!