It’s midnight and I am standing here at the center of my room. No tears I am expecting from my eyes, I don’t even want it. The wall is so thin that I could hear the sound of the insects flying around bushes just outside the window.
I am so tired. I should sleep now. Why can’t I?
Coz I don’t want to.
Is it something wrong?
Then, why don’t I break some tears?
No, I can’t! I am not supposed to.
My head is swinging now. And whole world is whirling around me. I lift my hand to pinch my head. The song is still playing into my ears. I guess I will be drowned. I am losing control. My whole body slowly slants towards the bed and I fall into red rose garden, trip in for the cool breeze. My every muscle swoops for the minimum movement and ultimately all movements will concentrate for the highest level of calmness and stability. But my eyes are still red.
Should I close it?
Yes, please. I am dying to go inside.
Okay. Let’s go for a ride!
I close my eyes now. I am standing at the top of this hill near clouds where sun can be watchable through the slit of cluster of white particles. I must confess that the view from this mountain is magnificent. I could see the end line of the earth where the red rose field is welcoming my surprise visit. The wind was little cold but bearable. The houses, the trees, the majestic tower, the so called ‘buildings’ the factory, the greenery all look so small. I see the red smokes are coming out from the middle of the city. And the fumes are getting darker and darker and darker. Suddenly, the ‘Boom’ sound makes it all clear. Oh… What should I do? I need to stay calm, I need to be focused. There is nothing to worry about.
Where is she?
I don’t know.
Why don’t I look for her?
So, should I close my eyes again?
Yeah, you wish!
Okay, let’s cross through the unknown wall of doomsday.
I close my eyes, again. I am standing at the center of this signal where two roads are crossing each other. I can hear the shout for help, running foot whispers, scream for revolution, chants for freedom and mystical notes of singing clowns ‘Ha Ha Ha I lose… Ha Ha Ha I lose… Ha Ha Ha I lose’. One car just stops front of me with the wheels screeching the road. I am told to sit behind. I go through the door and the car runs for the new destination. Only thing I remember from the phone call is that ‘I never want you to lose. I would be more than happy if you could. But… everything is not in our hand. Please come to the island.’ The whole vision is so blur. Oh… no… no… nothing wrong with my eyes, the air is so dusty and it stinks like a burnt dog. My heart starts pounding like rock collision. The color of surrounding becomes gray. Everything goes black and white.
I don’t know. I am supposed to find something else.
Then what happened?
Nothing, I am just at the wrong place.
So, should I close my eyes again?
Yes, fool. These things happen all the time. Don’t be stupid to feel for it.
I close my eyes without thinking anymore. The sound of the gun is droning into my head. I am at the bottom of this monstrous-look tree, fallen. And I am looking at this gun. Did I just fire it? Oh my God! Where am I? My hands look so small like 10 years old boy. I am wearing this white school-shoes, white school-shirt, white school-pant. I must run. I must run. I begin running through the jungle for something, feels like going home. My nerves are getting higher and the heart is beating so fast but I am running, I am running so hard.
Why am I running?
Maybe I didn’t get what I wanted till now.
But how am I supposed to know that I am at the right place.
I just need to believe.
That means I have to close my eyes, again.
Yes. But this time, try blinking.
Okay. Let’s wish for something extraordinary!
I close my eyes by imaging how beautiful she is. A group of monkeys (Vanar-Sena) with their hand full of sharp nails is scratching the body of humans and they are looking at me with their horrendous avatar, saluting.
Beep… Danger Alert… Blink!
I close my eyes by praying for no such surprise. It’s back of my home where I can see one kid just 10 feet ahead of me trying to find something. He takes one step into bushes. Holyshit!!! He is vanished somewhere in the air. Oh, this mystery but it doesn’t look like my cup of Tea!
Beep… Switch Please… Blink!
I close my eyes by saying ‘no more kid-shit again’. I am drowning in the river where I can see the boat just 5 feet away from me, moving. And she is there… she is there looking. I am helpless, trying to come out from water but for some reason I can’t. Yes, she can save me. Why doesn’t she do something? Help me… Help me… Huh.. She is crying.. Why? no… I should switch again, switch to the side.
Beep… I found her… Switch… Blink!
I close my eyes excitedly. I can’t see. It’s dark or my vision is gone. I can’t find a single drop of light anywhere. What’s happening? Oh.. aahhh.. Wow! I never saw something like this. Not even in theater or movies. One head light is concentrated on me. I can’t see from where this light is coming. There is no visibility where my eyes try to see, except for my shadow. The shadow appears just at slant angle. I saw some unusual movement in that. I must have a closer look. I turn to it. But, what’s this? It’s not reflecting my movement. It’s still standing by posing its side face. Should I be afraid of that? Maybe it can be scary.
Beep… I am bored of the game… No Shadows… Switch… Blink!
I close my eye, hopeless. I am standing at the top of this hill near clouds where sun can be watchable through the slit of cluster of white particles.
What the heck? Am I at the same place? This is wrong. This is unacceptable. I can’t take it. I wish for just one thing. You don’t even care to listen. Why?
I know I am not that great, I am selfish, I am ignorant, I am stupid. But I swear to you that I will jump from this mountain to let my body swing through time frame. I am not joking!
And I jump into this blue heaven flying with green birds under the red sky. I am going through the mirror where she is standing, perhaps, waiting for me. The sprinkle waves out while I am entering.
Is it really happening? Did I just travel from blue sky to red sky world for this?
Oh… Forget all of those… She looks gorgeous in the white dress and I am in front of her. She is calling me but I can’t hear because of the sound coming the water fall behind her. She smiles like a wishful princess. With every second I am coming closer to her. At 2 inch distance from her I stop. I can see her eyelids which are fluctuating. A small ping of nervousness bites every pines of my body. I smile and take my right arm to hold her jaw. I lean towards her make our first kiss. The whole world is celebrating whereas I feel the connection between us while kissing and no one in any world can make us apart.
Should I close my eyes?
No, stupid! This is your moment. Live it!
Everything seems silent. I don’t hear a single voice or noise or music or celebration. We separate ourselves. I see lot of people enclosing. They are not talking, not laughing, not smiling and not even blinking. They are staring. Should I be afraid? Why should I? This is my world. I make this and I know every single activity happening here with exact location, exact moment and exact people. I should be happy! You should make one for yourself. 🙂
I close my eyes. I am lying on bed just woke up with chirping sound of birds from window.