It’s midnight and I am standing here in the centre of my room. Not a single drop of tears I am expecting, not even I want it. The wall is so thin that I could hear the sound of the insects flying around bushes just outside the window.
I am so tired. I should sleep now. Why can’t I?
Coz I don’t want to.
Is there something wrong?
Then, why don’t I break some tears?
No, I can’t! I am not supposed to.
My head is swinging now. And the whole world is whirling around me. I lift my hand to shake my head. The song is still playing in my ears. I guess I will be drowned. I am losing control. My entire body slowly wedges towards the bed and I fall into a red rose garden for the pleasant breeze. Every bit of my muscles stretches with the minimum movement and apparently, all movements are to achieve the highest level of calmness and stability. But my eyes are still red.
Should I close it?
Yes, please. I am dying to go inside.
Okay. Let’s go for a ride!
I close my eyes now
I am standing at the top of this hill near clouds where the sun can be watchable through the white clouds. The view is magnificent. I could see the end of the line of the earth where the red rose field is welcoming my surprise visit. The wind is still a little cold but bearable. Several houses, trees, the majestic tower, the gigantic ‘buildings’, the factory and the greenery all look so small. I see the red smoke coming out from the middle of the city. And the fumes are getting darker and darker and darker. Suddenly, the ‘Boom’ sound makes it all vanished. Where am I? Oh… What should I do? I need to stay calm, I need to be focused. There is nothing to worry about, do I?
Where is she?
I don’t know.
Why don’t I look for her?
So, should I close my eyes again?
Yeah, you wish!
Okay, let’s cross through the unknown wall of probably the doomsday.
I close my eyes, again
I am standing at the centre of this signal where two roads are crossing each other. I can hear someone screaming for help, many footsteps approaching, shout out for the revolution, chants for freedom and mystical notes of singing clowns ‘Ha Ha Ha I lose… Ha Ha Ha I lose… Ha Ha Ha I lose’.
One car stops just in front of me with a screeching sound. I am told to sit behind. Frightened, I was, I go through the door. The car runs to the new destination. The only thing I remember from the phone call is that:
‘I never wanted you to lose. I would’ve been more than happy if you won this bet. But… everything is not in our hand. Please come to the island. You will be safe. I promise.’
And I said:
‘I can’t. I can’t. I’ve made my decision and you’ve made your own. I still believe in good. I have faith in people. They will fight back. And if they lose, then I will be with them at the time of their death, waiting for my turn to leave this world. Please promise that you will protect the rest of the people and keep working towards making a Utopian world.’
My vision is blurred now. The air stinks like a burnt dog. My heart starts pounding like a rock crush. The surrounding becomes grey and dustier. Visually, everything goes black and white.
I don’t know. Am I supposed to find something else?
Then what happened?
Nothing, I am just at the wrong place.
So, should I close my eyes again?
Yes, fool. These things happen all the time. Don’t be stupid to get attached to it.
I close my eyes without thinking anymore
The sound of the gun is droning within my head. I am at the bottom of this giant tree, fallen and I am looking at this gun. Did I just fire it? Oh my God! Where am I? My hands look so small like a 10-years old boy. I am wearing this white school-shirt, white school-pant, white school-shoes. I must run. I must run. I race through the jungle for something. It feels like I am going home. My nerves are getting higher and the heart is beating so fast but I am running, I am running so hard.
Why am I running?
Maybe I didn’t get what I wanted till now.
But how am I supposed to know that I am at the right place.
I just need to believe.
That means I have to close my eyes, again.
Yes. But this time, try blinking.
Okay. Let’s wish for something extraordinary!
I close my eyes by imaging how beautiful she is
A group of monkeys (Vanar-Sena) with their hand full of sharp nails is scratching the body of humans. They turn their heads towards me. Oh, these are horrendous creatures or avatars! They are saluting.
Beep… Danger Alert… Blink!
I close my eyes and pray for no more surprises
It’s back of my home where I can see one kid just 10 feet ahead of me trying to find something. He takes one step into the bushes. Did he vanish in the air? Again, the mysterious event I am not ready for.
Beep… Switch Please… Blink!
I close my eyes by whispering ‘no more scare’
I am drowning in the river where I can see the boat just 5 feet away from me, moving. And she is there… she is there looking. I am helpless, trying to come out from the water. But for some reason, I can’t. Yes, she can save me. Why doesn’t she do something? Help me… Help me… Huh… She is crying… Why? No, I should switch again, switch to the side.
Beep… I found her… Switch… Blink!
I close my eyes excitedly
I can’t see. It’s dark or my vision’s gone. I can’t find a single drop of light anywhere. What’s happening? Wow! I never saw something like this. Not even in a theatre or movies. One beam light is falling on me but from where? I can only see my shadow slanted at an angle to the ground. There is something unusual in the movement of this shadow. I must have a closer look. What’s this? It’s not reflecting my movement. It’s still standing by posing its side face. Oh, no. This is not the world I wanted. Switch, switch, switch!
Beep… I am bored with the game… No Shadows… Switch… Blink!
I close my eye, hopeless
What the heck! I am back at the top of this hill near clouds where I can see the sun through clouds.
This is wrong. This is unacceptable. I can’t take it. I wish for just one thing. You don’t even care to listen. Why?
I know I am not that great, I am selfish, I am ignorant, I am stupid. But I swear to you that I will jump from this mountain believing that my body will swing through the time frame. I am not joking!
And I jump into this blue heaven flying with green birds under the red sky. I am going through the mirror where she is standing, perhaps, waiting for me. I am entering into the sprinkle.
Is it really happening? Did I just travel from the blue sky to the red sky world? And just for this?
Oh… Forget all of these… She looks gorgeous in the white dress and I am in front of her. She is calling me but I can’t hear because of the sound coming from the waterfall behind her. Maybe Niagara Fall! Just remember the sexist and perhaps, stereotyped joke.
She smiles like a wishful princess. With every second, I am coming closer. At a certain inch distance from her, I stop. I can see her eyelids which are fluctuating. A bit of nervousness confuses me. I still smile and take my right arm to hold her face. I lean towards her to make our first kiss. The whole world is celebrating whereas I feel the connection between us while kissing. No one in any world can make us apart now.
Should I close my eyes?
No, stupid! This is your moment. Live it!
Everything seems so silent. I don’t hear a single voice or noise from the distance or music or celebration. We separate ourselves. I see a lot of people enclosing. They are not talking, not laughing, not smiling and not even, blinking. They are staring, staring at me. Should I be afraid? Why should I? This is my world. I created this and I know every single activity happening here with the exact location, the exact moment and the exact people. I should be happy! You should make one for yourself too! Will you?
I close my eyes
I am lying on my bed just woke up with the chirping sound of birds from the window.