How to Not Fall in Love and Stay Desperate: A Brutal Truth from an Artist

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Step by step, with a pint of sound which feels like music, I tell myself every day,

“Today, a miraculous wonder awaits my presence!”

And if it didn’t happen then at the end of the day, would I be ready to soak in all the emotions including disappointment and fear to dream more?

I sound like a desperate spoiled brain kid, don’t I? I don’t know when he was born but it exists inside me.

And you were sitting there on a freshly painted blue bench, smiling. Why do I come across the same dream repeatedly over and over? Why does it always have to be you in that picture holding the same pose and keeping the same bouquet of red flowers?

These clumsy thoughts never left the sight of my brain. The funny smell of her shampoo, the fragrance of her perfume, the look on her face with the big black eyes and she always kept a pair of chocolate in her purse. Whenever she turns to move away to leave, after two steps of walk she looks back and asks,

“How do I look?”

And I always end up saying that she looked fine instead of appraising her with ‘gorgeous’ or ‘beautiful’ kind of words. It’s always evident that she needs confirmation from me, even though she knew that for me, she is the most beautiful girl in the world and I (not so) secretly love her!

Talking about admiration, she is always fascinated by my artistic life. It seemed that she really loved to talk about my theatrical or poetic activities. Her eyes get bigger when I introduce some new terms related to any of my work and she looks at me curiously like a little kid to know everything.

She can walk with me if she has to. She can go with me to a nice coffee house but I never asked her. And in the middle of the conversation, she casually says

“Everyone had at least one girlfriend; hadn’t you?”

And I surprised those ‘everyone’ by revealing,

“No, I never had a girlfriend, not for a year, not for a month, not for a moment. I suppose that it is one of ‘perks’ of being a creative person!”

I think we all are looking for ‘a chance’?

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4 thoughts on “How to Not Fall in Love and Stay Desperate: A Brutal Truth from an Artist

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