Disclaimer: The entire write-up is based on my personal experience and the conclusion can differ from person to person. The only intention to write this to motivate myself and the people (with any passion) who feel lost in this period of their life.
I was reading one of my oldest blog-post written at the end of year 2014. The article talks about how having an inspiration (a muse), who helps you make an effort to write more and more, can devastate your entire goals at their exit from your life. At the end of the article, I confessed that I was struggling with the theory of self-inspired or motivated not by someone else.
Back to the present, this article exactly forecasted my current situation. The people who know me has a good idea that I have not been doing much progress in my writing journey since the month of May last year. The reason is very simple:
I miss someone having at my back.
The one who didn’t have to do anything but listen to what I say.
The one who didn’t have to love me or cry for me or miss me or think about me but just be there.
The one who didn’t have to write to me every now and then but just read occasionally.
The one who didn’t have to go through all the pains of endorsing, promoting or sharing my work but let me know “I read”.
The one who didn’t have to meet me all the time but could smile back whenever at the crowded or social place our eyes met.
I miss someone from whom I can take inspiration, with whom even a small conversation can make me energize for a long time and with whom I can fall in love and never expect anything in return. But depressingly, no one is there now. Since then my rate of writing articles and stories have been drastically decreased [only 22 posts (10-11 small blog-posts) in 1 year 5 months]. I feel lost.
Luckily, my creative energy had been utilised in different theatre projects as an actor, event handler, marketing co-ordinator and 2-3 freelancing projects apart from my office work. I had been mentioning all these works for the argument with me about this lazy writing attitude. In truth, it is a sheer lie I had been telling myself for so long.
What was the effect?
First of all, no improvement whatsoever as a writer in terms of rich vocabulary, writing-flow and learning new styles and formats. Also, I have been irregular in reading many books.
Delay and, in some cases, over-delayed the taken up projects especially script writing which resulted in scrapping those projects.
Started spending too much time of watching new movies, videos and tv-series in theater as well as in my laptop which is in a way helpful in understanding and exploring the new stories. On some days, I had literally done nothing but watch random videos and social sites.
Final Cherishing of a Long Pause
If I were you I wouldn’t be so thrilled about this subheading because honestly, I have no idea whether I would be able to follow and apply self-motivation theory or not. And it would not be easy. But the first step I can do is to look back from where I have started and tell myself that the dream I have seen is not for anyone else but for me. It would be a good advice for anyone who is following their dreams.
Having said that, in the current mindset, I am not sure that I would stop looking for my muse. The search continues so do I who is more or less inspired by the dream.
PS: Though this article feels a little sad at the beginning but hopeful at the end, the great realisation is that my vision and goals are constantly itching me from inside!
Keep Chasing Keep Reading Keep Humming.