I don’t know what to say.
It often starts with that sentence, doesn’t it? Though in the back of our mind, we have a whole lot of decided and undecided thoughts jumbling up and down to come out. But we can’t (won’t) transform those into any words.
We know what to say but probably, we don’t know how to say it. So we say ‘thank you’, ‘okay’, ‘I am glad’, any polished overused polite words or say nothing at all. And it’s totally understandable as our mind is dealing with the analysis of social, self, inter-relationship, political and made-up context. Before we process things, sometimes the moment is over. Sometimes we aren’t able to come to the definite conclusion.
We look at our potential receiver who might be going insane in the expectation of hearing from us but they won’t show it; they can’t. They have already spoken. We, under the thump of a large hammer, give our unsure smile or the pretentious indifferent expression and say some unimaginative words. The palpable piano tune fades in to describe the weariness.
As we agreed before, our mind is not empty. But now, the thoughts are going fearsome. They show the sign of claustrophobia and are in desperate need of freedom.
If ever I was in that situation, my words of thoughts come in the form of tears rolling across my cheek. In my view, that’s romanticism; it’s pink. And if it doesn’t come out, there will be upsetting blues.
Our random access memory will showcase its temporary nature and put these thoughts in our memory to process many new information. It means that you can access it whenever you want to and express it whenever you feel to. Don’t keep it in your draft folder. Send it.
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